The Dieting Man: A More Concise Update

Well, I posted on Tuesday night that I had lost four pounds. I was extremely pleased with this new development, but my pleasure was dampened by Wife's words: "How is that possible?!"

Hmm. Not exactly the vote of confidence that I was looking for. But, you know, she has a point.  Let me tell you a bit about what's happened since my last post:

I last blogged on Wednesday 2nd May. I said that I was going to the gym that afternoon.  Here's what went down: I psyched myself up for the gym. I jumped into the van, and headed for Silksworth Community Pool and Tennis Centre. I was planing on going down the 'Casual User' route - I wasn't prepared, at this point, to sign myself up to a £30+ a month membership, when my staying power is what it is - practically zero.

The girl at the desk was really useful, and got me to fill in some details. There was no pressure to go down the Annual Membership route, just pleasant advice that if I use the gym frequently, it would make sense to do that. But no, I was quite happy to pay my £4.60 per session fee.  But first of all, I had to pay £15 for my Life Card. It's kinda like a membership card for the gym. Coolio, I can live with that. Oh, and £15 for the Gym Induction. Ah. Okay. OH, and £8.50 for the Technogym key. This is a device that has your workout programmed into it - you get onto a machine, plug your key in, it says "Hi NAME, you're on here for 20 minutes" or whatever you need to do. When you finish your workout, you are then told what is next in your routine. Nice.  So at this point, I had spent £38.50 and not yet broken a sweat.  Then I get asked, "So, is saturday at 10am any good for your induction?" Ah. The penny drops. The induction isn't going to happen today. Well that sucks. Incidentally, Saturday is no good, nor is Sunday, nor the following Wednesday - so in the end, I get transferred to Houghton Community Sports Centre, where I get booked in for an induction at 3pm the following day. I can live with that.

So I go home and contemplate my options. Well, my lawn is utterly waterlogged, and I had just had delivered a Lawn Aerator, which I had purchased from eBay - might as well give that a go. So I unleash Dog into the garden, don some wellies, and get out in the garden. My word, gardening is hard work. By the time I had been up and down the garden three times, plunging in the aerator and removing clogs of waterlogged soil, I was drenched in sweat. Probably more labour intensive than my induction was going to be... Wife came home, we had food, blah blah blah I can't remember the details...

Thursday rolls around. I'm sorting someone's PC at 12.30, and when I finish, I head to ASDA for some new gym pants. From there, I head to the gym and have my induction. Unfortunately, it only lasts half an hour, which isn't great, but I'm introduced to all the machines, and a personal workout plan is drawn up for me. 

Basically, I'll be on the machines for 59 minutes, doing various activities:
Rowing
Cycling
Cycling on a machine with a back rest
on an arm exercising machine
Crosstrainer
Stepper
Treadmill

It feels good to be in the gym exercising, and I feel that the staff are helpful and knowledgeable. I'm keen.

The rest of the day is uneventful.

Friday I play pool at Cheemas in Sunderland with my Brother-in-Law. I get slaughtered. Nevermind, it's not the winning, it's the taking part that counts, right? Yeah, that's what all the losers say. Whatever.

Saturday, we visit friends because it is there anniversary, and we drop off what they describe as a 'legend card and gifts'. Coolio, glad you liked it...  We then take Dog for a lengthy walk, as we're going out for the night.

Sunday... Sunday is a blur between reality and imagination. We have a pretty set routine for a Sunday, but that was totally knocked off course due to a number of unrelated but interfering matters. Let's not discuss.

Instead, let's move on to Monday. Monday was a Bank Holiday - I love them. So a gang of us traipse up to Druridge Bay, up on the North East coast, and enjoy a long amble along the coast. It's cold, it's windy, and I'm pushing a pushchair (not mine!) for a considerable distance. I consider that an intense workout.

The next day, Tuesday, I feel ill. I wake up thinking that I'm going to hurl, and I've got burning in my chest. It's not good, but I go to work, chugging plenty of water all day. I get home. I'm wrecked, exhausted, and still feel cak. I lie down on the sofa. The burning comes back. Wife is worried. Wife tells Mother-in-Law, who says that feeling sick and burning in chest is heart related. Mother-in-law is a paranoid worrier who consults medical dictionaries and wonders why people she knows haven't died of the condition that she diagnoses. I say don't worry about it, and carry on.

Wednesday rolls around. I plan to go to the gym after work, but we are going to the cinema on the night. It's going to be tight, too tight to fit everything in. Instead of going to the gym, I get home, and take Dog for a walk. We go to the pics and watch Avengers Assemble. It's better second time round than first time. Pure awesomeness. I love Hulk.

And now here we area. Thursday. It's lunchtime. I've just finished my Large Quarter Pounder With Cheese Meal from McDonalds. Drink? Large coke. Anything else? Yeah, go on then, throw in a Cookie Dough McFlurry.

And here I am, a full McD's meal sitting in my stomach, updating my blog. In which I proclaim to be on a diet. What a hypocrite!

Anyway, I'm going to the gym after work, and I'll see how busy it is. I may have to arrange to go at another time, but I'm going to be going at least once a week.

I am The Dieting Man.

Current Weight

Just weighed myself on Wii Fit. I'm now 14 stone 7 pounds. I've lost four pounds since my last weigh in. Get in! Explanatory post tomorrow...

Well, This Has All Gone To Pot

I know that my last post was on 26th April. That was last Thursday, describing Wednesday.

It's now Wednesday the 2nd of May. A lot has happened in that time frame. A lot. We're talking gardening, walking, eating, McDonalds, the cinema, cinema snacking, The Avengers, driving, visiting - so much. I've been so busy, both on week days and the weekend, that it's been an absolute nightmare trying to keep up. I haven't been to bed before midnight in about two weeks.

I'm going to the gym this afternoon. After going on Wii Fit on Monday night, and seeing that I had put on two pounds, and realising that I am not taking this seriously AT ALL, I have decided that I need to start taking it seriously. Maybe it's not about not eating chocolate and sweets at all, but more about being balanced in what I eat, when I eat, and how I eat.

Going to the gym is necessary. I've got stuff here in the house I can use - an exercise bike, a real bike, Wii Fit, Sports Active - but I'm not using them. I'm going to load up my phone with some rocking tunes, get to the gym, get the induction out of the way, and see what the score is.

Yes, I am fat. But you know what else I am? Determined. Determined that I will lose weight, because if I don't, I'm going to have a heart attack when I'm 40. And I don't want that to happen.

So, for now, until I get myself to an acceptable weight, I am The Dieting Man.

I Weighed Myself Last Night...

Yup, put on the Wii. Stepped on the balance board. Watched the meter soar.

14 stone. 10 pounds.

Damn damn damn damnation.

More on this story later.

The Dieting Man

Ooops, I Skipped A Day...

Yesterday was hectic. I mean, most days are busy, but yesteday was HECTIC. Mind if I talk about it? Okay, here goes.

Full day of work. Up at 6.15, left at 7.30, work from 7.45. At lunchtime, nipped to the local DIY store for supplies. Washed van. Waxed van. Back out to work. Back in at 16.15. Far too wet to weed the front garden. Far too wet to take Dog for a walk. Started the mammoth task of washing up. Wife arrived. Wife in mood because of a decision that I had made during the day. (Disclaimer 1: It was not a massive decision. Disclaimer 2: I rang Wife's mobile FOUR TIMES to get her input on the decision. It rang out each time. The decision was time critical). Had dinner. Wife went to Bokwa. Mate arrived to discuss decision. Had to tell him that my earlier decision was now defunct and try to deal with the mild ramifications of that. Wife arrived home from Bokwa. Still in mood. Got her to discuss reason for decision/mood/lack of understanding with myself and mate. FINALLY issue was resolved. Went to bed. Timecheck: 12.30.

Aaaand... Breathe.

So. Yeah. A rather hectic day. The diet? Ha. Healthy eating? You're having a laugh. Exercise? Get real.

The more salient points:  Drank coffee, ate multiple biscuits. Had fruit, ryvita, tuna. Had Mars bar, chocolate, snacks, Jelly Beans, Pepsi, Ice Cream.

Dammit I'm rubbish at dieting.

The Dieting Man.

Yes, I Am A Bit Gutted

When I got on the Wii Balance Board last night, I was hoping that I would have lost about four pounds. It would seem that, in reality, I was dreaming.

But let's face the facts. My 'diet' of the past week, although including such things as tuna on Ryvita for lunch and more fruit than in the past, I have not really cut down on chocolate, sweets and snacks; and I haven't increased my exercise (apart from walking Dog).

So that leaves me with the fact that I need to try harder. I need to lessen my intake of food in general. I need to cut down my intake of sweets and sugary stuff. Stupidly, I've started drinking Pepsi with my evening meal, when I usually have water - yeah, 'cos that's the way to go when you're on a diet. And I need to do exercise. Lots and lots of exercise.

Here's the plan for exercise:

I'm going to go back to doing stuff on the Wii. That used to get me really going - heartrate through the roof, sweat pouring out of me. I'll be going on Wii Fit, and doing things like the Step exercise, Hula Hoop exercise - you know, the ones that are really active.  I'm also going to go on some of the Dance programmes that I've got - I've just Just Dance 1 and Just Dance 2 and The Michael Jackson Experience.  I've also got The Michael Jackson Experience for the PlayStation, as well as SingStar Dance. I'm going to have to set aside time to go on my exercise bike, which I used to do whilst playing FIFA, and I'm also going to go out on my 'real' bike and do bike rides.

You know what? I'm fat. But I am going to lose this excess weight that I am dragging around with me. You know why? Because I am The Dieting Man.

My Current Weight

According to the Wii, my BMI is 34.93 (was 35.12) and my weight is 14 stone 9 pounds (was 14 stone 10 pounds).

More tomorrow!

Friday and the Weekend

Sounds like a dodgy pubs 'n' clubs band, doesn't it, Friday and the Weekend? Really, it's just an update on just that - my exploits since the last post.

However, I have a confession to make. It's a misleading title. Because in actual fact, I can't remember much about Friday, as it seems like a date in the distant past now. True, I went to work. I didn't do much exercise, and, for that matter, didn't do much healthy eating. 

From what I can remember, I assisted Wife do the shopping after work; we visited the in-laws; we came home and ate; we went to bed.

Saturday, however, was a completely different story.

First of all, I was limping. I think I know what the problem is now, but at the time, I did not. All I knew was that my big toe was hurting like mad, it was red, swollen, and the skin was beginning to harden. And Dog biting it didn't help much...

So what's the obvious choice when you've got a bad toe and a limp? Take Dog for a massive walk along the beach in the rain, naturally. We did that, and we got drenched as a reward for our efforts. (But not as drenched as the silly surfers in the sea... idiots...)

We then had a barbecue. Yes, a barbecue. But by some divine intervention, it was dry, and indeed sunny, between 3.30 and 6.00, the exact time that we had our feast of sausages and burgers on the beach. Awesome.

So Saturday was a success, I would say. A mixture of good exercise and relatively healthy eating (apart from the Mars bar and Bounty that I consumed...)

Sunday was good too. I managed to refrain from eating lunch (I know that that's not what dieting is about, but I'm not much of a lunch person on weekends, never have been really.)

We had a lovely roast chicken dinner that Wife lovingly prepared, and then I went to Cheema's in Sunderland to play pool. It was a blast, and not just because I won.

Anyway, my mate Phil came back to ours after pool, and we sat shooting the breeze until about 12, at which point I really had to go to bed.

Meantime, I'm thinking of joining Weight Watchers. I think it will help me to be focused and may provide structure in my meal plans and eating habits.

Thoughts?

The Dieting Man.

A Bit of a Wobble, But I Didn't Fall Off...

Thursday was a dark and miserable day. The weather wasn't too good either... No, but seriously, it was chucking it down all day.

I woke up feeling like I needed another three hours in bed - that's not a good way to start the day. Wearily, I trudged downstairs and let Dog out to do what he needs to do in the garden. I looked longingly at the kettle, but turned aside and grabbed a pint glass from the cupboard and filled it with ice cold water. Aaah. Lovely. Can you feel the sarcasm?

Two plums sat on the windowsill, looking at me, desperately wanting me to eat them. I sighed, and complied with their desire. Letting Dog back in, I fed him, then sat down to my laptop to see what was what.

Book sales: None yesterday.
Kindle sales: None yesterday.
Amazon sales: None yesterday.
Total online earnings: None yesterday.

Ah. This is why I have a dayjob. Nevermind.

I prepped my lunch and snacks for the day, got ready, and headed out for work. Then I made my first mistake.

Instead of taking the apple with me on my morning round, I took the Mars bar. That was gone, devoured, digested by 8.20.  I had also taken my apple with me, but after eating the Mars bar, that had about as much appeal to me as a piece of cardboard with the word 'GARBAGE' emblazoned on it.

Heading back to base, I ate my lunch - faithfully sticking to my diet of two pieces of Ryvita with tuna and pineapple.  The two plums on my desk were starting to look old - so I didn't bother with them. Instead, I updated this blog, and surfed the net, until I was back out on the road.  Again, I took my apple with me, but didn't bother eating it.

As I was heading home, my mate Phil called me. He was in a spot of bother with his car, in that it wasn't starting. And hadn't started for about two hours.  I told him that I wouldn't be long, and about half an hour, I pulled up to his workplace in the pouring rain, opened my bonnet, and connected both our batteries together. That's right, the engine bay that I had scrubbed clean two days earlier was now getting saturated by the downpour. But it's what you do to help your mates, isn't it...  Anyway, he was kind enough to provide me with a jam scone - which in all honestly, I don't usually like, but after a day of hard work, and getting drenched, was actually quite nice.  We sat for a while, shooting the breeze, me trying to convince him not to get the BMW 320d Sport that he wanted to replace his Renault Clio with, and telling him instead to be sensible and go down the Vauxhall Vectra route. We'll see what he ends up doing... Me? Yeah, I'm still after an Audi. Maybe a few more sales of The Black Shadow and I'll be there...

Then Wife called me. She wanted me to grab some veggies for dinner. I was miles away from ASDA, so I had to go to Morrisons (eugh). I found the veg Wife wanted, but by the time I got to the checkouts, I had managed to acquire a box of Magnum-esque ice creams and a Bounty. Ooops. (Yes, the Bounty was devoured by the time I got back to the van).

I had a killer headache, which I'd had since 1pm, so first thing I did when I got home was chuck a couple of pills down my gullet.

Dinner consisted of a chicken kiev, boiled potatoes, and mixed  veg, but I hardly touched it. I felt ill. My head was pounding, it felt like the pressure inside it was building up - I actually thought that pus was going to start leaking out of my eyes. It was terrible. I also thought I was going to puke. Death was imminent. But, the fact that I am here now writing this shows that death was clearly not imminent, and I was just feeling unwell. A cup of coffee later (sensible, what with having a headache and that), some time, a lie down on the sofa, and I felt a lot better.

Playing Assassin's Creed later that evening, I had a Magnum-esque ice cream and a few ginger nuts, then went to bed. Shockingly, it was quarter to twelve.

Really, then, I hardly ate anything. And what I did eat was pretty much unhealthy.  We didn't take Dog for a walk because the weather was so bad, which means a mammoth walk is in store for me today (Friday).

I'm actually looking forward to getting on the scales on Monday, to see what the score is - plus or minus. I honestly have no idea which way it's heading. It's almost exciting. Almost.

I may possibly post an update tonight, but not sure about the weekend, it's so busy.

Have a good one, and don't indulge (too much)!

The Dieting Man.

I'm Getting Better (I think...)

Okay, I think that I had a better day yesterday (Wednesday). Let me talk you through it:

I got up at around 6.15, as I had tuna to prepare, and a shirt to iron. I was surprised that Dog wasn't barking, but then again, it was early even for him, and he had had a late night on Tuesday.  When I went to his cage, he was awake, and looking at me bleary eyed, so I left him in there whilst I pottered around the kitchen, with my tins of John West. I opened two tins, poured some vinegar into a tupperware tub, and added two hefty spoonfuls of Mayo. Draining the tins of tuna of the excess spring water, I added them to the tub, and mashed it all up thoroughly. Then, I added about 4 pineapple rings, cut into chunks. That'll last me a few days, then I'll break out the rest of the tuna and pineapple and make another batch. Sorted.

Now it was time for breakfast. I remembered my resolution: Water and fruit. I filled a pint glass with water, downed it, and ate two plums. It felt really good. I don't think it felt particularly filling, but the fact that I'd made what I thought was a significant change was pretty uplifting.

I packed my lunch (yes, it did include a Mars bar), and headed out to work.

As per my routine, I had my apple whilst out on my morning round, and when I got back to base, I resisted the urge to go to ASDA, my favourite supermarket. Instead, I ate my tuna on Ryvita, then I ate my Mars bar, and then I went and cleaned my van. Yeah, you should see the engine bay now - gleaming.

The afternoon round was pretty uneventful, and I got home as the heavens opened. It was lashing it down. Now, Wife and I were going out on the night, and as Dog had been cooped up all day, I had to take him out. So for an hour I trudged around in the wet, over fields, grass and mud, and exhausted both Dog and myself.

Wife arrived home about five minutes after Dog and I, and she put a pizza in the oven whilst I nipped into the shower and had a shave.

I had two slices of pizza (actually, each slice was a quarter, so I should say I had half a pizza, but two slices sounds so much better when you are dieting) and a handful of spicy potato wedges. I don't even like potato wedges, let alone spicy ones, but I was hungry so I ate them.

Oh, I nearly forgot. I was so starvenga when I got home from walking Dog that I raided the cupboards. I found the mother lode. A whole, glorious, unopened bar of ASDA Smart Price Milk Chocolate. The wrapper was unceremoniously removed, the chocolate broken up, and the chocolate inserted into my hungry gob in no uncertain terms.

Anyway, one quick change after food, and we were out. As we were heading back at around nine pm, I suggested to Wife that we detour via McDonalds. She vehemently disagreed, and, like a husband that is truly under the thumb, I meekly obeyed. Disclaimer: I am not under the thumb, I just appreciated the fact that really, McDonalds is not the ideal destination for a man on a diet.

Getting into the house, we started looking for a holiday destination for our upcoming anniversary. We want a 'Staycation' as they're fashionably called now; we're looking for a lodge for two in the heart of England. Anyway, whilst browsing the net for a suitable destination, I slowly munched my way through two slices of toast slathered with Nutella. I know, I know, but it's better than the McDonald's that I was going to get!

We went on Assassin's Creed for a while, as I was now bored of looking for a holiday - I am easily distracted - whilst I had a pint of milkshake for the second night in a row.

So in summary: My food intake was slightly healthier than it has been for a long time, but still there is room for improvement; and I did a mega slog of a walk, which is pretty good where exercise is concerned.

So what do you reckon: When I come to weigh in on Monday, will I have lost, gained, or stayed put?

We'll all find out soon enough!

The Dieting Man.

Another Disastrous Day...

Tuesday morning didn't start well. It started like pretty much every morning has started for the last six months or so: A cup of coffee, and a few ginger biscuits. It should be a black coffee, no sugar, two ginger biscuits, but of late it's been a black coffee, a smidgen of sugar, and a number of ginger biscuits... I haven't been keeping count.

Tuesday is probably my busiest day of work - well, busiest day in general usually. So I left the house at half seven as usual, and made the short trip to work, where I picked up the van. Now,  my usual van was in getting a service, so I was using a replacement van - an older, heavier, less comfortable van than my 2011 Mercedes Sprinter. But nevermind, I got in and got on.

I was back for lunch at about quarter past eleven, and I had to go straight to ASDA. You see, I'd used up all of my tuna, and had forgotten to get some more. So I had to go and get some tuna, but I wouldn't be able to mix it up in only the way that Chandelirious can, so I had to get a sarnie as well.

Well, as you can imagine, a sarnie and tuna were not the only items in my basket by the time I reached the checkout. Oh no.

First of all, the sandwich: A chicken and bacon monster. Very nice, very succulent, probably very bad, but did I mention oh so very  nice? Yup, one of them.

Of course, I had my four tins of John West Tuna in Spring Water (four quid! FOUR QUID!). Once I had those items, I should've made a bee-line for the checkout. But I didn't.

Instead, I found myself in the confectionery aisle. Which, I'm sure you'd agree, is a strange place for a man who claims to be on a diet to stand.  Suddenly, my basket was weighed down with a small bag of Dolly Mix (I am SUCH a child, but I really do like them.)  Then, there was the magnificent offer of 4 Mars Bars for £1, so I grabbed them. After all, although I am on a diet, I know that I'll still be wanting some sweet stuff, and a Mars bar a day is a treat, isn't it? Isn't it? Well, it was telling myself that over and over that helped me to sleep last night, so don't shatter my illusion...

After that, I found myself looking at the refrigerated milkshakes, and one of them, ASDA's own chocolate shake, was in my basket. I don't know how that happened - I like to think that I rescued it. I moved quickly away from the fridges, and then I realised where I was.

You know in The Lion King, where Simba finds himself in the wilderness, with all the bones from where all the animals go to die? Yeah, well you know his face? That was my face, when I realised that I was in the bakery section of ASDA. I turned and fled, but not before a two pack of Jam donuts had jumped off of the shelf, and, narrowly missing me, had landed in my basket.

Getting to the checkout, I had a very weird experience. My hand, of it's own accord, reached out and grabbed a KitKat Chunky, and placed it on the conveyor belt. So freaked out was I by this sudden occurrence, I didn't dare intervene.

Stuffing my purchases into an environmentally hazardous plastic bag which will take years to decompose, I headed out of ASDA and back to base.

Now, I walk back from ASDA - it's only about ten minutes, but I like to think that I'm doing my part by not driving, and that I'm helped to stretch my short and stumpy legs.  Anyway, as I'm heading back to base, I eat the KitKat Chunky. Man, it tasted good. Truth be told, the Chunky was gone before I was even out of the car park, but that's by the by.

I munched on the sandwich, which tasted really nice (did I mention that already? Sorry...) and then drank my chocolate shake.

Now, I'd already had an apple on the morning round, so I felt that I had done okay in my efforts to be healthy. I wolfed down a Mars Bar, as my colleagues looked at me accusingly. Yeah, they all know that I'm on a diet. Frankly, I think that they are jealous... Yeah, who am I kidding.

Back in the van for the afternoon, it was pretty uneventful. I ate my Dolly Mix, and to be quite honest, I felt pretty sick after that.

I got home, and decided to mow the lawn, front and back. It was the first time that I had mown the front since last year, so it was pretty hard going, and I reckon it'll probably need doing again by Saturday. The back hadn't been done too long ago, but it's bigger and took probably just as long, if not longer.

After mowing the lawn, I was hungry. I opened my bag of jam donuts, and ate them both as I checked my emails and stuff. I had no remorse, just pure unadulterated greed.

I then decided to tidy the outhouse, which has become something of a dumping ground in recent times. That too took a while, during which Wife came home from work and prepared a meal, namely, Sweet and Sour Chicken.

By the time I was finished tidying up, dinner was just being served up, and I was famished. I devoured that like a ravenous wolf that hadn't eaten in four weeks, not like an overweight man who had eaten two donuts just an hour previously...

We sat down to watch another episode of Alcatraz during dinner.  Then I got a frantic phone call from a mate who needed to print an important document, and his printer had no ink. So he sent me the document, and by the time he pulled up outside the house, it was printed and waiting for him.

It was getting later, and Dog hadn't been out for a walk yet. Instead of taking him to the Lake again, we headed out for some nearby fields. It's good to mix it up every now and again. But we walked for ages, and it was almost dark when we got in.

the next job of the evening was tidying the cupboard under the stairs. That was another area that had become a dumping ground, and Dog was getting excited, as he had never even noticed this area of the house before, and wanted to be in every nook and cranny.  I managed to hook up a light in there, which made the area a lot less scary than it was otherwise. Ha, I know I'm painting a portrait of a massive storage area, but it's not, trust me - it's probably three feet high, three feet wide, and as deep as the average set of stairs. But the junk that we'd managed to stash in there was unreal. Cheesh.

Once that was sorted, I was mega thirsty, and wanted something to drink that would chill me out big time. So I poured some skimmed milk into a pint glass, added four healthy scoops of vanilla ice cream, and then some heaped spoonfuls of Nesquik Chocolate powder.

Oh. My. Word.

If you've never had it, don't have it. You'll want it constantly, and if you're on a diet, it's fast track to gaining weight and cardiac arrest. (But it's really, really, really nice...)

After that, I was well and truly shattered, and I had no other option but to drag myself to bed.

But I was determined that Wednesday I would do better. I would be healthier. Yes, I would still have my treats, but I would be much better.

I also decided that I would only weigh myself once a week - I think that it's probably a better way to see progress/regress than weighing myself every day, so I''ll only weigh myself on Mondays, but I will post the weight as soon as I do it.

I will shed this weight, I will succeed.

Thanks for reading.

I am The Dieting Man.

The Post I've-Weighed-Myself-And-Am-Horrified Update

Well, what can I say? I'm gutted. Absolutely gutted. You've no doubt seen my post from last night. Fourteen stone ten. Man, that's just shy of fifteen stone. Fifteen stone! According to the Wii, I'm strongly obese, but I think that the Wii is a bit harsh. The next notch up is probably clinically dead, and I'm not that - not yet, anyway.

So here's what led up to yesterday's shocking revelation:

I got up at 6.30 for work. Had some coffee, and a few ginger biscuits. I think that that is going to have to be the first thing to change - I'm going to swap over to water and some fruit - maybe a banana or an apple.

I got to work, and started my round just after 8. At about half 8, I was happily munching away on an apple.

I finished my round pretty quickly, and popped home for a bite to eat. I started off pretty healthy - two slices of Ryvita, heaped with tuna. Then I had a Muller Light Cherry yogurt. Now, I don't know if they are 'good' or 'bad' for you, but it had Cherry in the title, so I thought, "Fruit". Yeah, I reckon that's gotta count for something...  Then it went downhill. I grabbed a Mars bar, and munched that down. Then I mooched about in the cupboard, and found a bar of ASDA Smart Price Milk Chocolate. "Yeah," I thought, "that'll do for this afternoon..."  So I popped that in my pocket, made sure that Dog had done his business, stretched his legs, had some fresh air, etc, and headed back to work.

During the course of the afternoon, I happily (and greedily) gorged on my ASDA Smart Price Chocolate bar. 

When I got back, I realised that I had to go to the Post Office, so I thought that that would be a great excuse to stretch my legs, take Dog for a walk, and kill 3 birds with one stone. But Wife had other ideas... She'd finished work early for a dentist appointment, and wanted me to accompany her. So, being the fantastic husband that I am, I did, and on the way home, popped into the Post Office. So much for the exercise there, then.

We got home, and I made some pasta. Yeah, real slimming food, that. I washed that down with a bottle of Bud and ASDA's equivalent to a Magnum, which, in fairness, is nothing like a Magnum, but whatever. And then we decided to take Dog for a walk.

So we went over to Silksworth Lake, and wandered around with Dog - took him to Lake 1 and Lake 2, then up near Sainsbury's, past the BMX stunt track and the astroturf grounds, up past the ski slope, and back to the car. I don't know about Dog, but Wife and I were wrecked!

Getting home, we slouched on the sofa for a while, and watched a DVD. At about half ten, I powered up the PS3, and stuck on Assassin's Creed. Wife was tired, and went to bed, and then I remembered: THE WII! I grabbed the by now fully charged and almost melting batteries, whacked them into the controller, and turned on the Wii. Dog had to be removed from the room, as he was insistent on being on the balance board too, and I couldn't have him messing up my figures - I knew it was going to be bad enough as it was.

And then that dreaded noise as the weight meter climbs... and climbs... and climbs... beyond your previous weight (which had been measured 44 days ago.)

Like I say, was sick as a chip. But now I'm determined. I'm determined to lose this flab, and get down to 13 stone initially, perhaps even more. I'm going to do gardening, cycling, exercising, and I'm going to go to the gym.

I AM GOING TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT.

You know why?

Because I am The Dieting Man, that's why.

I've Just Weighed Myself...

I'm 14 stone 10 pounds. Damn.

So it didn't happen, again...

So it didn't happen, again. I know, I know, I said I would weigh myself once company had left on Friday night, but you see, here's the excuse: They didn't leave until 2am. Now, don't get me wrong, I would have had them stay until 5am if they'd wanted to, but there was no way I was going to power up the Wii and try to keep my balance for 30 seconds and all that jazz after cleaning up and sorting the house out. No way.

And as for Saturday and Sunday - well, the weekend just vanishes, doesn't it? In fact, I can't believe that it's already approaching Monday afternoon as I sit here typing this.

So what happened at the weekend? Loads.

After going to bed at a stupid time Friday night / Saturday morning, I was up at the crack of dawn - well, quarter to nine. But that's early, after a mega late night, isn't it? Swigged down a cup of coffee and some biscuits, and whoosh, out the door.

I was back in the house by half twelve though, and I decided to go and see my parents in Peterlee. So I loaded Wife and Dog into the car, blitzed down the A19, and called in to see them for a few hours. A hot cross bun and cup of coffee later, and we were off again. We popped into Castle Eden Dene - a fantastic nature reserve in Peterlee, and had a walk through there, totally tiring out Dog, Wife, and myself.

Wearily, we climbed back into the van, and I popped to Horden to go and have a look at a nice Audi A4 estate. I found the garage, but it was weird - it was basically someone's house with about 40 cars parked within the grounds. I couldn't see the Audi at first glance, and I didn't fancy wandering in and nosing around, so we scarpered.

Back home, and the late night was really beginning to take it's toll. We ordered an Indian, and Shan's Balti House delivered within the hour. Onion Bhaji's, oh man, they are so nice. Apparently, Dog thinks so too - he managed to sly one off of the table when our eyes were elsewhere. He is the definition of a Sly Dog.

After that, and a bit of watching BBC One's The Voice, we were exhausted, and began the Everest-like ascent to the bedroom, where we collapsed for some well earned rest. Wii? No. Not a chance.

So what about Sunday? Well, again, up at the crack of dawn - quarter to 11. I had a few things to sort in the house, and then out the house at 12.30. I had some important business to attend to, and people to see, and I wasn't back in the house until 5.30. We had been invited out for dinner, and had to be at our destination for 6.00. So as you can imagine, it was a very quick turnaround.

We had a great evening out - chilli, pizza, jacket potatoes and a great time with good friends.

Then we had to pick up Dog from Mother-in-Law's (he had done her head in - started nibbling on her feet and stealing her sweets and being a menace in general... Mwahahaha...) and we got in at around half ten.

Nipped onto the internet to pay some bills - joy of joy - and then had to turn in to bed, due to a dire need of sleep.

So then. In summary. Since my last account, on Friday, we've had company round our house, went to my parents house, and been out to see friends. I've eaten a considerable amount of food, managed to not consume a lot of alcohol, skipped lunch twice, eaten more than my fair share of sweets, snacks, and chocolate, and not weighed myself once.

Oh, the joys of being on a diet.

Well that didn't happen, did it...

Now, I know that I said that I would get on the scales last night and post that information straight away... and I know that I didn't.  But I've got a really, really good excuse. But I'm going to build up to it...

I got home from work pretty early yesterday - it must have been about quarter to four. It was still the afternoon, really. Wife was already home - she'd been to the dentist, and her jaw and the side of her face was still numb. Listening to her attempting to speak was pretty hilarious. But she was busy making a lasagne, so I said that I would take Dog out for a walk - a nice long walk that would be guaranteed to tire him out.

So Dog and I jump into the van, and head for Silksworth Lake - an area around the ski slope. We park up, get out, and start walking. And man, that dog. He was straining at the lead, going nuts when other dogs were around, sniffing at the grass constantly, staring intently at the ducks, barking at some dogs... He's usually very placid, so I have no idea what got into him.

We walk around the big lake, and then head over to the smaller lake, where some guys are dotted around fishing. Circling the lake, we climb the steps that bring you out at the Community Pool - and when we get to the top of the steps, Dog is knackered. Fantastic. So we stroll back to the van, and head home. Mind you, this walk has lasted about an hour - it doesn't sound much when it's written down, but it was long. My calves were burning.

We get home, Dog goes out in the garden for a bit of a forage, and I have a terrible sensation in my stomach. I know what's coming, and it is going to be bad.

I make a beeline for the toilet, drop pants, get on seat, and boosh. A volcanic eruption of diarrheaic waste of biblical proportions. It pretty much lifted me off of the seat, and I'm telling you, that torrent was like a tsunami of waste that would hit both the Richter scales and the Geiger counters.

Anyway, apocalyptic bowel movements complete, I got ready for my dinner - fish, carrots, and boiled potatoes. Sat down to eat, watched Alcatraz (anyone else watching it? What do you think? It seems okay, but still early days...) and then got to the next part of the evening... I set about tidying the house. We've got company on Friday, so I wanted to get some things sorted - Dog had brought mud into the kitchen, so I sorted that. The living room needed vacuuming, so I did that. The leather sofa needed treating, so I did that.

By now, it's 10pm (I know, where DOES the time go?) and I decided to weigh myself. So I get out my electronic weighing devices (that's the Wii Fit Balance Board), go to power up the Wii... and the remotes are dead. Hunt around for some batteries... no dice. So I put some batteries on charge, and reluctantly have to wait until today to weigh myself.

So tonight, after the company has left, and once I'm full with lasagne, alcohol, cakes, chocolate and other nice things... I will weigh myself.

Am I ever going to lose weight? Yeah, I'm not too sure either...

It Continues...

So you know how yesterday I finished off by saying that if I avoided going to ASDA, I should be safe? Yeah, well, I did manage to avoid ASDA. That is, until I got home from work. And my dear, loving, adorable wife said to me, "I'm about to go shopping. Do you want to come?"

Now, the truth was, I DIDN'T want to go. I had another customer that I had to see, and we were going to the mother-in-law's for dinner. If I went to ASDA, I would be late for the customer, then late for dinner. I told wife this. But she looked at me with those endearing eyes, saying that she would rather I accompanied her.

So I did. And £78 later, we left ASDA. In the trolley were some true bargains. A tub of Ben and Jerry's for just £2.50. A four pack of Mars bars for just £1.00. ASDA oat and raisin cookies. Bourboun biscuits. And loads more. And yes, I was late for my customer, and subsequently late for dinner...

But really, I did well yesterday. I had my lunch of tuna on two slices of Ryvita, followed by a carrot. I had a Muller Cherry yogurt, and a fun-sized Mars bar. 

For my dinner, I had a roast dinner then dessert.

But it's in the evenings when it gets really hard. There I was, surfing AutoTrader for a new car, whilst wife watched The Apprentice. I just HAD to have one of my ASDA cookies, washed down with a Frijj chocolate shake (did I mention that that was reduced to just 55p? What a bargain.)

Then I spoke to my Dad on the phone for a while, seeing how he was, shooting the breeze and all that jazz. Turned on the PS3, put on Assassin's Creed... ate another cookie.

But that was it, honestly!

Oh, and yeah, no exercise. But I did take the dog for a walk at lunchtime, that's got to count for something, hasn't it?

Now, on a morning, I usually have a cup of coffee with 2 ginger nuts. But for some reason, today, I had a cup of coffee and half a packet of Bourboun biscuits. They're just... so.... moresome.

I've since had an apple, a Mars bar (no, not one from the multipack, I left them in the house - I got it from a vending machine. 65p. SIXTY FIVE PENCE! Daylight robbery.)  I've just had my lunch, consisting of tuna on Ryvita and a carrot, and I'm about to make a mess of two plums. As for exercise... well, I might wash the van.

I'm going to jump on the scales tonight and weigh myself - I think I'll post an update when I do. That might give me something to work towards.

Right, back to AutoTrader now... decisions, decisions...

Here We Go Again...

I haven't checked when I last posted. I haven't checked how much I weigh. I know, however, that its been a while. I know, too, that I'm somewhere between 14 and 15 stone. But I thought that I'd try and resume blogging, maybe it'll motivate me, maybe it'll provide some entertainment for you...

I'd been doing well recently. I'd cut right down on my junk food, I was eating five pieces of fruit and veg each day, lunch consisted of tuna on Ryvita, I was eating a well rounded out evening meal. The only thing lacking was exercise.

Before I could get a chance to get a grip on exercise, though, I'd slipped back to my old ways. ASDA at lunchtime, to stock up on Mars bars, Maltesers, Frijj chocolate shakes, Cadburys Creme Eggs, oh man, the list goes on. I could feel my belt getting tighter by the day as my waistline expanded. Damn.

Then I went on holiday. It was just for a weekend, but you know how it is. You don't diet when on holiday. But I did go for a massive 2 hour walk, which I suppose contributes for something.

Since then, I've been better. I went on an hour long bike ride with my brother in law around Sunderland last Wednesday. I took him to the Ski slope, then showed him where I crashed my van just that morning on Hope Road.

On Friday I went up to Berwick upon Tweed to dig a trench.

On Saturday I went for an hour long walk along the river at Durham.

On Monday I went for a three hour walk in Tynemouth. True, I had chips too, but I think its safe to say that I walked them off.

I feel pretty healthy. I feel pretty fit. This morning, I put my trousers on, and I'm on the second from last hole on the belt-soon I'll not be able to make it any tighter.

I've brought a healthy lunch out with me. If I can just avoid nipping into ASDA, I may just stand a chance at cracking this dieting malarkey...