Wednesday, 12 September 2007

The Top 5 Signs Someone Is Driving A Company Car

We've all seen them. BMW. Mercedes. Audi. Volkswagen. Ford. Vauxhall. Renault. Nissan. Whatever marque there is, someone, somewhere, right now, out there, is driving a company car.

You know, you've gotta love the irony of it. They're the ones that are brining in £50k+ per year. They're rolling in it. And what does the boss say to them? "Hey, why don't I buy you a car? I'll tax it, insure - I'll even fuel it for you."

Wait a minute. So us who work at the bottom of the corporate ladder - the ones that are scrimping and scrounging, counting the pennies - not only do we have to BUY our own car - but we have to tax it, insure it, and fuel it too - whereas the top dogs, earning the big bucks, get their's paid for! Cheesh!

And then there's the way they drive their cars. You see, we know that our car costs money to run. We bump it, we pay for it. We scratch it, we've got to get it sorted. Them? Nah. Tell the boss the car needs a service, get it done.

Well here's the top five signs somebody is driving a company car:

1. Road Humps
I don't know about where you live, but 'traffic calming measures' seem to be getting more and more extreme. Personally, I like the chicanes. You're forced to slow down for them, reducing your speed. However, the council seems to prefer abnormally angled road humps. Maybe they're in league with the local car mechanics... You can either slow to a stop, then crawl over them (increasing wear and tear on brakes, clutch and gearbox), or you can take them at full speed and fracture your suspension. Well guess what company car drivers do? Well, who is gonna pay for that suspension? Certainly not them. So they cruise along, quite happily sticking to the speed limit, quite happily blasting over the speed humps, quite happily destroying their company car's suspension.

2. It's Dirty
Now, we may take pride in our vehicle. It's cost a massive chunk of our own personal cash, and we intend to make it look good. Not so with company car drivers. No, why should they waste time and money on something that they're not even paying for? The car will get cleaned when it rains. Or the garage will clean it when it's due for a service. Washing the car? That's for those low lifes that buy their own car!


3. They Fill The Tank
So you're waiting patiently at the petrol station behind the BMW X5. The bloke at the pump isn't even watching the guage - he's casually looking around to see how many people are watching him. After an inordinate amount of time, the guage clicks - the tank is full. The guy saunters over to the cash desk, pays up, and leaves. You drive to the pump that he was at, and your eye register disbelief. £78.25. That's the bill that he just paid to fill his beast. Well, that's not technically true. Let me restate that last line. That's the bill that HIS BOSS HAS just paid to fill his beast. As you start to fill your car, you carefully watch the guage, and stop it when it hits £20. That's all you can afford until payday...

4. They Drive Like Maniacs
It's not their car. Who cares if they bump it? Roundabouts, junctions, traffic lights - they don't care. If it results in a bump, it'll go to the garage. They'll get a courtesy car. Then their one will come back nice and shiney and new. Oh, that's right - it's been washed and waxed. And it's probably got a full tank too...

5. It's Brand New
So here I am driving my 2004 Fiesta. I've just got it. I didn't break the bank to get it, but I must admit I would have like to be driven something newer, better, faster, sportier. And just yesterday someone behind me was in a brand spanking new Audi S3. Black paintwork gleaming under the midday sun. Probably just driven off of the forecourt. With only 2.0 miles on the clock. Probably didn't pay a penny for it.

So remember, next time you see a brand new, but slightly dirty, and maybe even slightly damaged car getting it's tank filled at the petrol station, don't envy the guy or gal at the pump. It's not even their car.

1 comment:

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