Monday, 25 June 2007

How to Burn Yourself Out in A Week

This is my tried and tested way of making sure that you are totally wrecked within seven days. I did this last week, it works a treat...

Attend a seminar. Get up at 6.50, get ready, pack your lunch, drive to the seminar. Mingle for a bit before the programme begins. Programme begins at 9.30. Pay close attention to seminar until lunchtime. Have lunch, mingle with the delegates. Return to your seats for afternoon seminars. Programme completes at 4.00. Mingle a bit more. Leave venue at 5.30. Rush home, quickly get changed, drive into town to meet friends for a meal at 7.00. Enjoy the meal, the association, invite them back to yours for drinks. Kick them out at 11.00. Go to bed.

Get up at 7.00. Go to work. All day. Finish at 5.00. Drive home, get ready for next day departure... Go to bed at 11.00.

Get up at 6.50. Pack bags. Get ready to depart. Get all confused. Delay departure by 2 hours because of the confusion. Fill car with fuel. 10.00 - Commence 250 mile drive. Get stuck in traffic. In hot weather. Wearing jeans. Sweat profusely. Whilst in agonising heat, wife will sleep in passenger seat, doing nothing to relieve the pain of the heat, and the fact that you are tired. So far, so good. Arrive at destination at 4.00. Chat with family that is not expecting to see you. Make sure they are okay. Get in car, drive to see next relatives. Short journey that should take 20 minutes - takes 50 minutes because of traffic. Grab a burger. Eat it. Quickly. Visit next relatives - stay with them until 10.30. You're doing well, the pressure is starting to build. Depart from relatives to Travelodge 50 minutes away. Frustrate yourself by seeing the Travelodge, but not the entrance, and having to continue driving down the dual carriageway. Find a roundabout, turn back, check it. Go to bed.

Wake up tired. Go to a Safari Park. Nearly get mauled. Video it. Drive to visit next relatives - sit in traffic for 3 hours. In sweltering heat. It's really starting to get to you now... Visit gobsmacked relatives. Leave them, travel for another 45 minutes to visit more relatives. Chill with them (phew). Leave at 10.00. Go back to Travelodge (now that you know where it is.) Go to bed. 12.00 midnight.

Leave Travelodge at 12.00 lunch. Grab some food. Travel to a shopping centre. Arrive there 5 hours later. Look around the shops, grab a coffee - you're really, really tired now. Get home at 8.00pm. Open front door, grab father-in-law's house keys. Go to father-in law's (FIL's) house, feed the cats, let them out. Go home. Unpack. Go to ASDA. Go back to FIL's, let the cats in, feed them. Go home, go to bed.

6.50. Get up. Iron shirt, make lunch, go to FIL's. Feed cats, let them out. Go to work. 12.00 Go to FIL's, let cats in, feed them. Go back to work. 5.00 Finish work, go to FIL's, feed cats, let them out. Go home. Rest for a bit. 8.00pm. Pick wife up from work. Go home, make dinner. 10.00pm Go to FILs, let cats in, feed them. Go home, go to bed.

9.00 Get up, take wife to work, go to FIL's, feed cats, let them out. Go back home, back to bed, thunderstorm prevents you from sleeping. 14.00. Go to FIL's, get cats in, feed them. Go home. 17.30. Go to FIL's, feed the cats, let them out, pick wife up from work. Go home, make some food. Go to FILs, let the cats in, feed them.

9.00 Get up, go to FIL's, feed cats, let them out. Go to Mother in law's, check she's okay. Go back to FIL's, let cats in, feed them. Tidy kitchen, wash up, vacuum the house. Go to grandmothers to drop of FIl's keys. Go to parents. Eat. Leave at 11.00. Go home, check email. Go to bed at 12.00.

7.30. Get up, make lunch, go to work. 11.20. Pick wife up from home, take her to work. 12:00. Go to meeting. 13:10. Return to work. Finish writing a blog entry. Post it to the internet. 15.00. collapse at desk.

Congratulations, you've just burnt out.

I may be out for some time...


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