Wednesday, 2 January 2008

The New Year. The New Diet

Alrighty There People!

So. How you feeling? Full and fat? Well, join the club. I’m totally bloated, stuffed full of good food, junk food, pleasure food, seasonal food, food food, food food food food. Oh, and did I mention food? Not to mention the occasional glass of wine…

So it was with fear and great trembling that I mounted the scales last night, heaving my immense form onto the small block of plastic beneath my mammoth toes, scales that almost shrieked out in pain under the pressure of the behemoth that I am. The dial spun dizzily, and I wondered if it would ever stop. But stop it did – just shy of 14 stone. Ooof. That’s heavy – far too heavy.

So there and then, without removing my grossly overweight mass from the scales, I made a resolve. It wasn’t silly, it wasn’t over the top, it wasn’t crazy. Rather, it was doable, realistic, attainable. Here’s the plan:

Drinks: The only drink that I will consume is water. I will stop drinking hot chocolate and black coffee, both laden with two spoons of sugar. I will most certainly stop drinking Yazoo, that chocolate drink that is basically cow fat turned brown. I will stop drinking orange juice, which is no doubt heavily peppered with sugars and other weight-adding additives.

Food: I will reduce my portions of breakfast cereal. I will not go back onto the ‘Special K 2 Week Diet’ – I tried it, it didn’t work for me. But it may work for you – I’m not knocking it, as I said, it just wasn’t for me. Chocolate and junk food are forbidden. Totally. Not allowed at the weekend, as previously – totally forbidden. No chocolate, no dry biscuits, nothing. I will attempt to eat five portions of fruit a day – they may be the same fruit, because I’m not really that adventurous, but it will be fruit none the less. Smaller portions, healthier food. And I’ll probably break out that smoothie maker, and make some of those really nice recipes that I downloaded free that I’ve got lying around…

Exercise: I will exercise daily. This actually started yesterday – twenty minutes on the exercise bike. That’s twenty minutes, at a leisurely pace, covering 4.11 miles, and burning a measly 15.3 calories. But it’s a start. Once I’ve managed to shed a few pounds, I’ll see if I can manage a few press-ups every day. I’ll no doubt get back on the Wii, and do the daily fitness training on that – I may even pre-order Wii Fit. BTW, if you haven’t got a Wii, grab one, get on Wii Sports (it comes with it), and give the boxing, tennis, baseball and bowling a shot. It’s a hoot, it’ll get you hot and sweaty, and you may, just may, lose some weight, and enjoy it. I’m up for that.

Basically, then, it’s a new regime. It’s a combined fitness/healthy style of living, to reduce my weight and increase my healthiness.

I got a good tip yesterday. “Take a picture of yourself, with minimal clothes on (boxer shorts only). Print it out, put it on the fridge.”

I did that. The picture is, in a word, grotesque.

If you want to join with me, post your reason in the comments. If you’ve successfully shed a few pounds in the past, post your success tips in the comments. If you want to encourage me, post your encouragement in the comments. If you want to lay into me about having got myself into this state… get lost.

I am The Dieting Man. This year, I will succeed.


The Dieting Man.

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