Another Disastrous Day...

Tuesday morning didn't start well. It started like pretty much every morning has started for the last six months or so: A cup of coffee, and a few ginger biscuits. It should be a black coffee, no sugar, two ginger biscuits, but of late it's been a black coffee, a smidgen of sugar, and a number of ginger biscuits... I haven't been keeping count.

Tuesday is probably my busiest day of work - well, busiest day in general usually. So I left the house at half seven as usual, and made the short trip to work, where I picked up the van. Now,  my usual van was in getting a service, so I was using a replacement van - an older, heavier, less comfortable van than my 2011 Mercedes Sprinter. But nevermind, I got in and got on.

I was back for lunch at about quarter past eleven, and I had to go straight to ASDA. You see, I'd used up all of my tuna, and had forgotten to get some more. So I had to go and get some tuna, but I wouldn't be able to mix it up in only the way that Chandelirious can, so I had to get a sarnie as well.

Well, as you can imagine, a sarnie and tuna were not the only items in my basket by the time I reached the checkout. Oh no.

First of all, the sandwich: A chicken and bacon monster. Very nice, very succulent, probably very bad, but did I mention oh so very  nice? Yup, one of them.

Of course, I had my four tins of John West Tuna in Spring Water (four quid! FOUR QUID!). Once I had those items, I should've made a bee-line for the checkout. But I didn't.

Instead, I found myself in the confectionery aisle. Which, I'm sure you'd agree, is a strange place for a man who claims to be on a diet to stand.  Suddenly, my basket was weighed down with a small bag of Dolly Mix (I am SUCH a child, but I really do like them.)  Then, there was the magnificent offer of 4 Mars Bars for £1, so I grabbed them. After all, although I am on a diet, I know that I'll still be wanting some sweet stuff, and a Mars bar a day is a treat, isn't it? Isn't it? Well, it was telling myself that over and over that helped me to sleep last night, so don't shatter my illusion...

After that, I found myself looking at the refrigerated milkshakes, and one of them, ASDA's own chocolate shake, was in my basket. I don't know how that happened - I like to think that I rescued it. I moved quickly away from the fridges, and then I realised where I was.

You know in The Lion King, where Simba finds himself in the wilderness, with all the bones from where all the animals go to die? Yeah, well you know his face? That was my face, when I realised that I was in the bakery section of ASDA. I turned and fled, but not before a two pack of Jam donuts had jumped off of the shelf, and, narrowly missing me, had landed in my basket.

Getting to the checkout, I had a very weird experience. My hand, of it's own accord, reached out and grabbed a KitKat Chunky, and placed it on the conveyor belt. So freaked out was I by this sudden occurrence, I didn't dare intervene.

Stuffing my purchases into an environmentally hazardous plastic bag which will take years to decompose, I headed out of ASDA and back to base.

Now, I walk back from ASDA - it's only about ten minutes, but I like to think that I'm doing my part by not driving, and that I'm helped to stretch my short and stumpy legs.  Anyway, as I'm heading back to base, I eat the KitKat Chunky. Man, it tasted good. Truth be told, the Chunky was gone before I was even out of the car park, but that's by the by.

I munched on the sandwich, which tasted really nice (did I mention that already? Sorry...) and then drank my chocolate shake.

Now, I'd already had an apple on the morning round, so I felt that I had done okay in my efforts to be healthy. I wolfed down a Mars Bar, as my colleagues looked at me accusingly. Yeah, they all know that I'm on a diet. Frankly, I think that they are jealous... Yeah, who am I kidding.

Back in the van for the afternoon, it was pretty uneventful. I ate my Dolly Mix, and to be quite honest, I felt pretty sick after that.

I got home, and decided to mow the lawn, front and back. It was the first time that I had mown the front since last year, so it was pretty hard going, and I reckon it'll probably need doing again by Saturday. The back hadn't been done too long ago, but it's bigger and took probably just as long, if not longer.

After mowing the lawn, I was hungry. I opened my bag of jam donuts, and ate them both as I checked my emails and stuff. I had no remorse, just pure unadulterated greed.

I then decided to tidy the outhouse, which has become something of a dumping ground in recent times. That too took a while, during which Wife came home from work and prepared a meal, namely, Sweet and Sour Chicken.

By the time I was finished tidying up, dinner was just being served up, and I was famished. I devoured that like a ravenous wolf that hadn't eaten in four weeks, not like an overweight man who had eaten two donuts just an hour previously...

We sat down to watch another episode of Alcatraz during dinner.  Then I got a frantic phone call from a mate who needed to print an important document, and his printer had no ink. So he sent me the document, and by the time he pulled up outside the house, it was printed and waiting for him.

It was getting later, and Dog hadn't been out for a walk yet. Instead of taking him to the Lake again, we headed out for some nearby fields. It's good to mix it up every now and again. But we walked for ages, and it was almost dark when we got in.

the next job of the evening was tidying the cupboard under the stairs. That was another area that had become a dumping ground, and Dog was getting excited, as he had never even noticed this area of the house before, and wanted to be in every nook and cranny.  I managed to hook up a light in there, which made the area a lot less scary than it was otherwise. Ha, I know I'm painting a portrait of a massive storage area, but it's not, trust me - it's probably three feet high, three feet wide, and as deep as the average set of stairs. But the junk that we'd managed to stash in there was unreal. Cheesh.

Once that was sorted, I was mega thirsty, and wanted something to drink that would chill me out big time. So I poured some skimmed milk into a pint glass, added four healthy scoops of vanilla ice cream, and then some heaped spoonfuls of Nesquik Chocolate powder.

Oh. My. Word.

If you've never had it, don't have it. You'll want it constantly, and if you're on a diet, it's fast track to gaining weight and cardiac arrest. (But it's really, really, really nice...)

After that, I was well and truly shattered, and I had no other option but to drag myself to bed.

But I was determined that Wednesday I would do better. I would be healthier. Yes, I would still have my treats, but I would be much better.

I also decided that I would only weigh myself once a week - I think that it's probably a better way to see progress/regress than weighing myself every day, so I''ll only weigh myself on Mondays, but I will post the weight as soon as I do it.

I will shed this weight, I will succeed.

Thanks for reading.

I am The Dieting Man.

The Post I've-Weighed-Myself-And-Am-Horrified Update

Well, what can I say? I'm gutted. Absolutely gutted. You've no doubt seen my post from last night. Fourteen stone ten. Man, that's just shy of fifteen stone. Fifteen stone! According to the Wii, I'm strongly obese, but I think that the Wii is a bit harsh. The next notch up is probably clinically dead, and I'm not that - not yet, anyway.

So here's what led up to yesterday's shocking revelation:

I got up at 6.30 for work. Had some coffee, and a few ginger biscuits. I think that that is going to have to be the first thing to change - I'm going to swap over to water and some fruit - maybe a banana or an apple.

I got to work, and started my round just after 8. At about half 8, I was happily munching away on an apple.

I finished my round pretty quickly, and popped home for a bite to eat. I started off pretty healthy - two slices of Ryvita, heaped with tuna. Then I had a Muller Light Cherry yogurt. Now, I don't know if they are 'good' or 'bad' for you, but it had Cherry in the title, so I thought, "Fruit". Yeah, I reckon that's gotta count for something...  Then it went downhill. I grabbed a Mars bar, and munched that down. Then I mooched about in the cupboard, and found a bar of ASDA Smart Price Milk Chocolate. "Yeah," I thought, "that'll do for this afternoon..."  So I popped that in my pocket, made sure that Dog had done his business, stretched his legs, had some fresh air, etc, and headed back to work.

During the course of the afternoon, I happily (and greedily) gorged on my ASDA Smart Price Chocolate bar. 

When I got back, I realised that I had to go to the Post Office, so I thought that that would be a great excuse to stretch my legs, take Dog for a walk, and kill 3 birds with one stone. But Wife had other ideas... She'd finished work early for a dentist appointment, and wanted me to accompany her. So, being the fantastic husband that I am, I did, and on the way home, popped into the Post Office. So much for the exercise there, then.

We got home, and I made some pasta. Yeah, real slimming food, that. I washed that down with a bottle of Bud and ASDA's equivalent to a Magnum, which, in fairness, is nothing like a Magnum, but whatever. And then we decided to take Dog for a walk.

So we went over to Silksworth Lake, and wandered around with Dog - took him to Lake 1 and Lake 2, then up near Sainsbury's, past the BMX stunt track and the astroturf grounds, up past the ski slope, and back to the car. I don't know about Dog, but Wife and I were wrecked!

Getting home, we slouched on the sofa for a while, and watched a DVD. At about half ten, I powered up the PS3, and stuck on Assassin's Creed. Wife was tired, and went to bed, and then I remembered: THE WII! I grabbed the by now fully charged and almost melting batteries, whacked them into the controller, and turned on the Wii. Dog had to be removed from the room, as he was insistent on being on the balance board too, and I couldn't have him messing up my figures - I knew it was going to be bad enough as it was.

And then that dreaded noise as the weight meter climbs... and climbs... and climbs... beyond your previous weight (which had been measured 44 days ago.)

Like I say, was sick as a chip. But now I'm determined. I'm determined to lose this flab, and get down to 13 stone initially, perhaps even more. I'm going to do gardening, cycling, exercising, and I'm going to go to the gym.

I AM GOING TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT.

You know why?

Because I am The Dieting Man, that's why.

I've Just Weighed Myself...

I'm 14 stone 10 pounds. Damn.

So it didn't happen, again...

So it didn't happen, again. I know, I know, I said I would weigh myself once company had left on Friday night, but you see, here's the excuse: They didn't leave until 2am. Now, don't get me wrong, I would have had them stay until 5am if they'd wanted to, but there was no way I was going to power up the Wii and try to keep my balance for 30 seconds and all that jazz after cleaning up and sorting the house out. No way.

And as for Saturday and Sunday - well, the weekend just vanishes, doesn't it? In fact, I can't believe that it's already approaching Monday afternoon as I sit here typing this.

So what happened at the weekend? Loads.

After going to bed at a stupid time Friday night / Saturday morning, I was up at the crack of dawn - well, quarter to nine. But that's early, after a mega late night, isn't it? Swigged down a cup of coffee and some biscuits, and whoosh, out the door.

I was back in the house by half twelve though, and I decided to go and see my parents in Peterlee. So I loaded Wife and Dog into the car, blitzed down the A19, and called in to see them for a few hours. A hot cross bun and cup of coffee later, and we were off again. We popped into Castle Eden Dene - a fantastic nature reserve in Peterlee, and had a walk through there, totally tiring out Dog, Wife, and myself.

Wearily, we climbed back into the van, and I popped to Horden to go and have a look at a nice Audi A4 estate. I found the garage, but it was weird - it was basically someone's house with about 40 cars parked within the grounds. I couldn't see the Audi at first glance, and I didn't fancy wandering in and nosing around, so we scarpered.

Back home, and the late night was really beginning to take it's toll. We ordered an Indian, and Shan's Balti House delivered within the hour. Onion Bhaji's, oh man, they are so nice. Apparently, Dog thinks so too - he managed to sly one off of the table when our eyes were elsewhere. He is the definition of a Sly Dog.

After that, and a bit of watching BBC One's The Voice, we were exhausted, and began the Everest-like ascent to the bedroom, where we collapsed for some well earned rest. Wii? No. Not a chance.

So what about Sunday? Well, again, up at the crack of dawn - quarter to 11. I had a few things to sort in the house, and then out the house at 12.30. I had some important business to attend to, and people to see, and I wasn't back in the house until 5.30. We had been invited out for dinner, and had to be at our destination for 6.00. So as you can imagine, it was a very quick turnaround.

We had a great evening out - chilli, pizza, jacket potatoes and a great time with good friends.

Then we had to pick up Dog from Mother-in-Law's (he had done her head in - started nibbling on her feet and stealing her sweets and being a menace in general... Mwahahaha...) and we got in at around half ten.

Nipped onto the internet to pay some bills - joy of joy - and then had to turn in to bed, due to a dire need of sleep.

So then. In summary. Since my last account, on Friday, we've had company round our house, went to my parents house, and been out to see friends. I've eaten a considerable amount of food, managed to not consume a lot of alcohol, skipped lunch twice, eaten more than my fair share of sweets, snacks, and chocolate, and not weighed myself once.

Oh, the joys of being on a diet.

Well that didn't happen, did it...

Now, I know that I said that I would get on the scales last night and post that information straight away... and I know that I didn't.  But I've got a really, really good excuse. But I'm going to build up to it...

I got home from work pretty early yesterday - it must have been about quarter to four. It was still the afternoon, really. Wife was already home - she'd been to the dentist, and her jaw and the side of her face was still numb. Listening to her attempting to speak was pretty hilarious. But she was busy making a lasagne, so I said that I would take Dog out for a walk - a nice long walk that would be guaranteed to tire him out.

So Dog and I jump into the van, and head for Silksworth Lake - an area around the ski slope. We park up, get out, and start walking. And man, that dog. He was straining at the lead, going nuts when other dogs were around, sniffing at the grass constantly, staring intently at the ducks, barking at some dogs... He's usually very placid, so I have no idea what got into him.

We walk around the big lake, and then head over to the smaller lake, where some guys are dotted around fishing. Circling the lake, we climb the steps that bring you out at the Community Pool - and when we get to the top of the steps, Dog is knackered. Fantastic. So we stroll back to the van, and head home. Mind you, this walk has lasted about an hour - it doesn't sound much when it's written down, but it was long. My calves were burning.

We get home, Dog goes out in the garden for a bit of a forage, and I have a terrible sensation in my stomach. I know what's coming, and it is going to be bad.

I make a beeline for the toilet, drop pants, get on seat, and boosh. A volcanic eruption of diarrheaic waste of biblical proportions. It pretty much lifted me off of the seat, and I'm telling you, that torrent was like a tsunami of waste that would hit both the Richter scales and the Geiger counters.

Anyway, apocalyptic bowel movements complete, I got ready for my dinner - fish, carrots, and boiled potatoes. Sat down to eat, watched Alcatraz (anyone else watching it? What do you think? It seems okay, but still early days...) and then got to the next part of the evening... I set about tidying the house. We've got company on Friday, so I wanted to get some things sorted - Dog had brought mud into the kitchen, so I sorted that. The living room needed vacuuming, so I did that. The leather sofa needed treating, so I did that.

By now, it's 10pm (I know, where DOES the time go?) and I decided to weigh myself. So I get out my electronic weighing devices (that's the Wii Fit Balance Board), go to power up the Wii... and the remotes are dead. Hunt around for some batteries... no dice. So I put some batteries on charge, and reluctantly have to wait until today to weigh myself.

So tonight, after the company has left, and once I'm full with lasagne, alcohol, cakes, chocolate and other nice things... I will weigh myself.

Am I ever going to lose weight? Yeah, I'm not too sure either...

It Continues...

So you know how yesterday I finished off by saying that if I avoided going to ASDA, I should be safe? Yeah, well, I did manage to avoid ASDA. That is, until I got home from work. And my dear, loving, adorable wife said to me, "I'm about to go shopping. Do you want to come?"

Now, the truth was, I DIDN'T want to go. I had another customer that I had to see, and we were going to the mother-in-law's for dinner. If I went to ASDA, I would be late for the customer, then late for dinner. I told wife this. But she looked at me with those endearing eyes, saying that she would rather I accompanied her.

So I did. And £78 later, we left ASDA. In the trolley were some true bargains. A tub of Ben and Jerry's for just £2.50. A four pack of Mars bars for just £1.00. ASDA oat and raisin cookies. Bourboun biscuits. And loads more. And yes, I was late for my customer, and subsequently late for dinner...

But really, I did well yesterday. I had my lunch of tuna on two slices of Ryvita, followed by a carrot. I had a Muller Cherry yogurt, and a fun-sized Mars bar. 

For my dinner, I had a roast dinner then dessert.

But it's in the evenings when it gets really hard. There I was, surfing AutoTrader for a new car, whilst wife watched The Apprentice. I just HAD to have one of my ASDA cookies, washed down with a Frijj chocolate shake (did I mention that that was reduced to just 55p? What a bargain.)

Then I spoke to my Dad on the phone for a while, seeing how he was, shooting the breeze and all that jazz. Turned on the PS3, put on Assassin's Creed... ate another cookie.

But that was it, honestly!

Oh, and yeah, no exercise. But I did take the dog for a walk at lunchtime, that's got to count for something, hasn't it?

Now, on a morning, I usually have a cup of coffee with 2 ginger nuts. But for some reason, today, I had a cup of coffee and half a packet of Bourboun biscuits. They're just... so.... moresome.

I've since had an apple, a Mars bar (no, not one from the multipack, I left them in the house - I got it from a vending machine. 65p. SIXTY FIVE PENCE! Daylight robbery.)  I've just had my lunch, consisting of tuna on Ryvita and a carrot, and I'm about to make a mess of two plums. As for exercise... well, I might wash the van.

I'm going to jump on the scales tonight and weigh myself - I think I'll post an update when I do. That might give me something to work towards.

Right, back to AutoTrader now... decisions, decisions...

Here We Go Again...

I haven't checked when I last posted. I haven't checked how much I weigh. I know, however, that its been a while. I know, too, that I'm somewhere between 14 and 15 stone. But I thought that I'd try and resume blogging, maybe it'll motivate me, maybe it'll provide some entertainment for you...

I'd been doing well recently. I'd cut right down on my junk food, I was eating five pieces of fruit and veg each day, lunch consisted of tuna on Ryvita, I was eating a well rounded out evening meal. The only thing lacking was exercise.

Before I could get a chance to get a grip on exercise, though, I'd slipped back to my old ways. ASDA at lunchtime, to stock up on Mars bars, Maltesers, Frijj chocolate shakes, Cadburys Creme Eggs, oh man, the list goes on. I could feel my belt getting tighter by the day as my waistline expanded. Damn.

Then I went on holiday. It was just for a weekend, but you know how it is. You don't diet when on holiday. But I did go for a massive 2 hour walk, which I suppose contributes for something.

Since then, I've been better. I went on an hour long bike ride with my brother in law around Sunderland last Wednesday. I took him to the Ski slope, then showed him where I crashed my van just that morning on Hope Road.

On Friday I went up to Berwick upon Tweed to dig a trench.

On Saturday I went for an hour long walk along the river at Durham.

On Monday I went for a three hour walk in Tynemouth. True, I had chips too, but I think its safe to say that I walked them off.

I feel pretty healthy. I feel pretty fit. This morning, I put my trousers on, and I'm on the second from last hole on the belt-soon I'll not be able to make it any tighter.

I've brought a healthy lunch out with me. If I can just avoid nipping into ASDA, I may just stand a chance at cracking this dieting malarkey...